mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
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