just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My vagina is officially offended.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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