I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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