Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
