hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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