I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
