It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
