you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
