Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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