Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
