so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
