So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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