she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
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