i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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