Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
