My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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