pedialite and red bull = repair kit
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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