if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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