Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize