dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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