Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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