..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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