we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
