If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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