Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Please, let me fuck your mom
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
