Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
