oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
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That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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