i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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