I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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