i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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