Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Randomize
