I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
please don't ironically join a cult
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