Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
