I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Buhtt sex?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
