Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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