I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
