we're chasing vodka with high fives
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
