Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
