drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
