It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
