he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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