I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They took my balls.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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