This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I lost the right to judge tonight
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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