Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
can u get pink eye on your cock?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Randomize
