What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Randomize
