so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
