You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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