oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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