Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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