Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
