I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
