i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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