i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
