i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
