i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
this hospital has no fireball
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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