If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
im six kinds of drunk right now
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
