Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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