OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
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Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
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Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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