i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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