Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
