Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
