Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
