Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
