the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
