i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
