the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
