She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
