oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
