I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
So squirting runs in the family.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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