Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
