is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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