There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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