WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
